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Tonight on Svengoolie, it’s Medusa Against The Son of Hercules, aka Perseo l'invincibile ( Perseus the Invincible) (1963), starring Richard Harrison. Why the different titles? The (Italian) movie was originally called Perseo l'invincibile/ Perseus the Invincible. But in the 1960s, Embassy Pictures repackaged 14 Italian peplum (”sword-and-sandal”) films for broadcast on American television, with a standardized theme song for the opening & closing titles, and a standard introductory narration attempting to relate the lead character in each film to the Greek demigod Hercules even though only two of the 14 films actually featured Hercules. Four were films, two were films, and the other six were gladiator or other mythological hero movie – like tonight’s film with Perseus & Medusa – which had never been released in the U.S.

And remember, Svengoolie starts at his new time tonight, 8pm Eastern/Pacific, 7pm Central. Venus meets the Son of Hercules The Hercules movies were always among my favourite episodes of MST3K, so I’m definitely gonna review more of them as Episodes that Never Were. This one features Massimo Serato from The Loves of Hercules and a lot of people who spent the entire sixties being in one sword-and-sandal movie after another. The music is by Gino Marinuzzi Jr, who also did the score for Hercules and the Captive Women. And the title is almost a complete lie – there’s no son of Hercules in this movie, or even Hercules himself.

I bet that would have confused the hell out of Joel and the bots. Speaking of swords and sandals movies, is so ridiculous and absurd I have to recommend it to everyone I know even though the trailer (which I hadn’t seen when I actually saw the movie) spoils the really WTF part of the movie. And none of the classicists I know have seen it! Probably because they watched the trailer and noped the fuck out. DID YOU NOT KNOW THAT EVERY ROMAN EMPEROR WAS DIRECTLY DESCENDED FROM JULIUS CAESAR? DID YOU NOT KNOW THAT EXCALIBUR WAS ACTUALLY JULIUS CAESAR’S MAGIC SWORD? DID YOU EVER WANT TO SEE AISHWARYA RAI PLAY A BADASS BYZANTINE WARRIOR WOMAN? Lost Season 1 Episode 19 Free Download here.

DID YOU EVER WANT TO SEE A MACHINE GUN CROSSBOW? DID YOU EVER WANT TO SEE COLIN FIRTH BE THE HEAD OF THE PRAETORIAN GUARD AND KILL A LOT OF PEOPLE WITH A SWORD? DID YOU EVER WANT TO SEE THE NINTH LEGION MYSTERIOUSLY APPEAR AND SAVE THE LAST EMPEROR OF ROME? DID YOU EVER EXPECT TO SEE THE NAMES “MERLIN” AND “ROMULUS AUGUSTULUS” IN THE SAME SENTENCE?

This movie has more historical inaccuracies than you can shake a stick at and yet it wholeheartedly embraced them; it is so ridiculous. Everyone should watch it.

(Just don’t watch it with the expectation that literally anything in it is historically accurate because it’s not.). “historically, the purpose of cities is to transfer wealth from one class to another” is one of the lines in night’s dominion that just tie it all together. Because the city of umber is the same sort of place that conan the cimmerian would feel right at home with - with its iron swords, sandals, dark wizards and tankards of mead - but conan is concerned entirely with his own wish fulfillment, for adventure, for treasure, for gigantic mirth, and as such, so are we. But if you decide to be concerned about something else, you might come to the conclusion that the inhabitants of these swords-and-sorcery worlds have to deal with wealth disparity, sexism, urban safety, crises of faith, and class warfare, much as we do. And you might come to the conclusion that those worlds can have superheroes, too.